Donald Flump and Jill Pine Come to Dinner
by TheCrazyPerson44
Summary: Stan Smith entered a new essay contest. But so did Haylee. Yep. Go figure.


One day in the Smith home Roger, Haylee, and Steve were fighting for control of a laptop.

"I'm gonna order chocodiles off Ebay and there's nothing you two can do to stop me!" yelled Roger, struggling to free

the grip of the laptop from Steve and Haylee.

"I promised Jeff I'd email him and tell him the directions to the nearest Outback Steakhouse" said Haylee.

"Okay that does it, Jeff could not find his way out of a paper bag, he's an idiot" replied Roger, as he succesfully released

the computer from the two siblings, sending it flying into the air, when it crashed on the floor everything seemed fine for

the laptop except what was on its screen.

"It's two racoons sharing a cheeseburger, with two adorable hats.

Stan must have forgotten to delete his browsing history again" said Roger. Just then there came a knocking on the door.

"Uh, kids and non human entity? I need to borrow that computer. Annual CIA essay contest, again" said Stan.

Roger walked up to the door, slamming the laptop against it.

"We're very very busy, okay? You can do your stupid essay contest later! And I'm not an 'entity' I'm a

freakin' diety, a ghawwwd!" yelled Roger. The computer flew into the air yet again, then landed on the floor, as

Stan began using a CIA army laser to cut through the locked door. Roger looked at the laptop screen in shock, as did Steve.

"Is that Lt. Fox Vixen?" asked Steve.

"No, that's a photoshopped semi-nude fake picture of Sarah Trailin standing over a moose in her fox form,

though the resemblance is uncanny. Hold on, what is this? DeviantArt? Oh gawd, I should have been on here ages ago.

Steve, let your dad in or I'll tell him you've been watching North Korean propaganda and then he'll probably

shoot you" said Roger. Finally, Stan got in.

"Oh, Hiii Stan, nothing strange here you want your computer back?" asked Roger, handing it to Stan.

"Yes. Duty calls. To the Stan Cave!" yelled Stan racing upstairs.

The next day at CIA HQ:

Bullock began announcing the results of the CIA essay contest.

"Felix, you get a B" said Bullock, pinning a red star pin on Felix.

"What do I get?" asked Felix.

"Why, a genuine Felix lighter of course" said Bullock. He then approached all the other agents giving them gifts and

handouts, all except for one man...the loser.

"Stan, your essay is the most poorly written thing I've ever seen. It reads like a tweet, not an essay.

Almost looks like one big Donald Flump tweet.

So, in case you didn't know, you'll be having dinner with President-elect Flump tonight.

Why do you look so happy?" asked Bullock.

"Oh, I'm not happy. No. Not in the slightest" said Stan, trying to conceal his Flump plush toy. Then Bullock congratulated

the winner, a girl who looked suspiciously like Stan's daughter Haylee.

"Melee Smash, if that is your real name,

you win the contest, so you get a dinner with Jill Pine of the Green Party" said Bullock.

"YES!" yelled Haylee.

"But, but, that's not...oh NO!" shouted Stan. After everyone went home, Bullock answered his cell phone.

"Hello? Ah, Nigel Faraj, my Brexit buddy. Listen, politics aside,

we can never let it get out that we're actually brothers" said Bullock.

Later, that evening...

Haylee walked into the living room. Stan greeted her.

"Hey, Button nose, how was your day?" asked Stan.

"Oh, it was really good Dad. Breathtakingly good" replied Haylee.

"Yeah, I bet. Haylee, how did you get a job at the CIA?" asked Stan.

"I don't know what you mean, Dad" replied Haylee.

"Oh really? I think you DO!" said Stan, showing Haylee a photo Bullock gave him. Haylee examined the photo.

"Well, you know what they say everyone's got a doppelganger, it's a coincidence!" explained Haylee with a sly look.

"Listen Haylee, this is serious, I can't tell you how serious this is. I don't believe in coincidences, they happen far too often to be real.

Be honest, did you win the contest because you and Bullock are having another affair?" asked Stan. Just then there was a ringing on the

doorbell. Stan hid under a pillow.

"Flump, it's not my doing it's not my doing!" Stan muttered under his breath. But it wasn't Flump at the door.

It was none other than Jill Pine of the Green Party, wearing a crystal necklace, with a bowl of organic carob candy.

Haylee raced to the door, but Roger beat her to it, and lept into

Jill Pine's arms.

"Hey, Pine, you're FINE!" said Roger.

"You're Haylee?" asked Pine, looking very confused.

"Uhh, no, well yes, I am actually. So as I was saying I already booked the room at the Super 8, and there's

plenty of extra blankets to cuddle in!" said Roger.

"Haha, okay, well, I left something in my car" said Pine. But Roger tugged on her coat.

"Nooo, come baaack!" said Roger. Stan pushed Roger away, and

attempted to be polite to Pine.

"Excuse me, I'm Stan Smith, father of Haylee. Nice to meet you, you know I am a huge supporter of alternative LGBT

energy" said Stan. Pine was fed up. She felt like she was meeting with the Addams Family. She ran out the door.

Just then, Pine was face to face with Donald Flump. She ran into the house, shaking

on the sofa next to Stan, who was also shaking in fright.

"Where am I, where am I?" muttered Jill Pine, biting her fingernails nervously. Flump came in the door, and Stan rushed

up to greet him.

"Heyy, there he is, who's my favorite president? You are" said Stan, reaching out for a hug. To his shock, Flump

actually hugged him back, however Flump ordered his guards to immediately spray him with disinfectant after the hug.

"You're a fantastic guy, Stan, with a fantastic family of fantastic people living in a fantastic house" said Flump.

"Haha, you like that word don't you? You look just like your animated form on Stephen Colbert" said Stan.

"Stan I'm always animated, unlike those low energy opponents of mine who couldn't build a wall with a Fischer Price toy set" replied Flump.

Francine came in with some lemonade and wine on a plate, then dropped

it right on the floor in shock.

"Jill Pine? Flump? Stan, what is going on?" asked Francine. Stan threw a blanket over Jill Pine.

"Um, this is my lovely wife Francine. She was talking about FrankenPine, excellent movie, I give it a two thumbs up

with both of my hands, cuz I know that's what you do, Mr. President-Elect" explained Stan.

"Bullshit!" yelled Pine from under the blanket. She got up and began walking around with a blanket over her head.

"Haylee, someone, help me" said Jill.

"I gotcha. Poor baby, everything's ok" said Roger, hugging Jill.

"It-it's all ok, really? Thanks so much.

Yeah, this must just be a weird dream thanks for your re-assurance. I'm really in Cuba right now, smoking a fine cigar" said Jill.

"Can I join you there and marry you and call you Divine Pine?" asked Roger.

"Sure, I mean hell that's the main reason for raising money for the recount anyway, but that's our little secret, cutie"

said Jill, who was clearly losing her mind. Haylee came out from behind the sofa and saw Roger and Jill snuggling under

the blanket. She lifted it up, embarresing them, then attempted to pull Roger away from Jill.

"No, noooo, I LOVE JILL Pine! I LOVE HER, SHE'S SO MOTHERLY!" yelled Roger.

Haylee threw Roger across the room, and he fell slowly to the floor after hitting the wall, like a splattered bug falling to its death.

"Jill, are you okay? I know my family's kinda weird but see the reason Flump is here is cuz my dad lost the contest" said

Haylee.

"Okay, I think I'm starting to get this..but who are you again?" asked Jill.

"Haylee!" said Haylee.

"Honey, I don't get it" said Jill, taking a puff from a cigarette. Haylee took Jill down the hall to explain everything,

while Flump, Stan, and Steve sat down at the family table.

"So, Mr. President-Elect, how is life treating you?" asked Stan.

"The media? Not so well. Life? Just fantastic, me and Johnlay are filming a rap battle with my daughter Ivanka next week" said Flump.

"Was that satire? Or are you serious?" asked Francine.

"Very serious. Just tweeted it. Watch the media frenzy ensue. I can't wait for the hilarity" said Flump.

"What else are you gonna tweet, handsome?" asked Francine.

RealdonaldFlump :

Currently hiding from the bad people who hate me in a fantastic house of CIA agent, Stan Smith, terrific guy.

No sign of Jackfruit Judas Goat Juvenile Jill or Lyin' Ted Snooze or the Illuminati.

Just then Stan noticed Flump was about to reveal his identity as an agent.

"Oh, good point. I need to stop trusting my instincts on this twitter stuff" said Flump.

Meanwhile, with Jill and Haylee:

"This is really good carob candy, Pine" said Haylee.

"Thanks, I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world who prefers it to chocolate" said Pine.

"You wanna go hang with the crowd now that you know what's going on?" asked Haylee.

"Yes, yes I do. I'm brave!" said Jill Pine.

"Who's brave?" asked Haylee.

"I AM!" yelled Pine.

Jill Pine and Haylee entered the living room, and seated themselves at the table.

"So, we worked things out. Oh, and I have a question for the president-elect.

What if the flag tried to burn me? And why did you say climate change was invented

by China? And how are you going to get a Supreme Court guy who's pro-life but down with gay marriage?" asked Haylee, slamming

the table.

"Woah, woah, calm down Haylee. She loves you Donald, just like everyone, she just doesn't know it yet" explained Stan.

"That's very true, that I can tell you. Wait..Jill Pine? Oh no, this is all a setup. I should never have trusted

the CIA" said Flump.

"I don't hate you, Flump" said Jill.

"No, no, you do so, you must..I mean, he's ok on some things but he's INSANE" said Haylee.

"Aren't we all?" said Jill.

"Don't listen to her folks. Jill Pine is a disgrace, she works for Crooked Lillary and her team" said Flump.

"Don't compare me to ring wraiths, Donald. You're better for world peace. I'm just here because I'm hiding from the Russians,

they burnt my toast and devoured my speech-writers" said Jill.

"I'm really confused" said Haylee. Just then Roger came into the room, dressed up in his Ricky Spanish costume.

"Oh yeah, I'm bringing cheese, I'm bringing wine, and I'm NOT a RAPIST!" yelled Roger jumping onto the table. He sawed the table in half, with help

from Haylee who had a second electric saw. He began chasing Flump all over the room, until finally Flump slammed the door on him.

"You're just proving you're a racist!" said Roger.

"The door was rigged, and you tried to kill me. Besides I love salsa," said Flump. Roger continued his ranting.

"Okay, I'll admit it. You never responded to my tweets. You wouldn't even click like on my

pussy, she was an adorable tabby cat. You BROKE MY HEART, DONALD Flump!" yelled Roger.

"He can be confusing sometimes don't you worry!" said Stan.

"Now, prepare to witness a movement, the likes of which have never been seen before!" said Roger pooping under the lightbulb in the kitchen.

Thunder hit, and the power went out. Roger's golden poop interfered with electricity.

"I'll go get a candle," said Flump. But he tripped and dropped the candle over Stan's american flag.

"OH NO! I need to go to jail! It was an accident, so help me God" said Flump.

"Me and Haylee made the power go out just for that gag. That was actually a hologram of a flag" explained Roger.

"Oh, false alarm" said Flump.

"Know what guys? We should call this off, right now" said Stan. Flump looked dissapointed, then had a beaming smile

on his face.

"No we shouldn't, cuz I brought two surprise guests with me, they're great people! Ivanka and Johnlay East" yelled Flump.

Jill Pine and Roger grabbed mics, and Johnyay and Flump grabbed them as well, while Ivanka filmed.

Roger: Yo Flump you're a chump and we're here to shake our rump, your hair looks like a giant cotton candy lump!

Jill: Never teamed up with a grey alien before, but together we really rock the dance floor! Ya like fish sticks Johnyay?

Flump: I won the election and you're wasting your time. Yet Crooked Hillary can get away with every single crime.

You're not doing any good, but you are fantastic people. Here's Johnyay reporting from the top of a steeple.

Johnyay: Flump's my homie, Jill you're a phony, the hair's not cotton candy it's delicious MACARONI!

Jill went up a hill that was way too steep, I'm not a gay fish, Roger you're a creep.

The Smith family clapped and cheered. Flump and Jill then started singing duets together. Then Jill gave Flump a high five.

Later...

"Great night, Jill. I feel like we really bonded" said Roger.

"We should hang out much more often, Roger" replied Jill Pine.

"Well, yes, all this was fun. Even though the table was chopped" said Flump.

"My daughter is a lost cause" said Stan.

"No, no, no. Listen Stan, there's nothing wrong with her. If I was her age, and she wasn't your daughter...I'd probably

be dating her" said Flump.

The End


End file.
